Both me and my father were voracious readers. We used to finish lengthy novels in a couple of sittings. When he was well into his 60's, he will baulk at reading 800-900 page novels, which came as a surprise to me. When queried, he came up with the following response " You wont understand now. But when you are old, you lose the drive to take up the challenge of reading a 1000 page book. Once gets a sense of futility". I could not agree with him, but let it go.
I have, this year, turned 50, and have started realizing the truth in what he said then.
I used to drive my employees hard and was relentless in my quest for perfection, which created lot of friction. But of late, I am accepting slight imperfections, am more tolerant of mistakes and slightly less task oriented.
I still read a lot, but am more leisurely in my readings. I read when I am in the right frame of mind to do so, and am not worried too much if I take a week to complete a book, that I would have sat through and read in a single night in the past.
I am more into why people are behaving in a particular manner, and don't give out free advises unlike the past.
I have started enjoying even the slightest achievements, but at the same time am not downcast and devastated when I have major setbacks. I take it in my stride, and don't lose sleep over it.
I have started feeling the age at times, and strangely don't regret it.
I don't lose my temper these days, but on those times when I do, I take time to cool down.
In any case, I am less hated than I used to be in the past, which is not bad. But am I paying a price for it? I don't know!
Am I slowing down, mellowing? Is the above a good development? Will I get my old spark back? More importantly, do I want to go back to my good (bad) old days, when I used to be less popular?
Only time will tell.
