Ask Why Should'nt I? , instead of Why Should I?

Three decades ago, when I missed an Engineering seat by just a couple of marks (those days there were only 6 Engineering Colleges in Kerala with a total intake of around 1500 students in a year), it was as if my world has suddenly become dark. I was one of the top students in the district, a National Merit Scholarship Holder for 6 years, but a freak illness led me to underperform in the Pre Degree Exam. I was bitterly disappointed, and my father was empathetic. Not bearing to see me not become an Engineer, and he was an Engineer, he offered to get me a seat by paying Rs 25,000 under the Management Quota in our home town Engineering College. I was all of 17 then - a puny, lean lad weighing under 40 kgs. Rs 25,000, though a big amount, was definitely not beyond our financial capabilities, as we were reasonably well off.

But I had a mind of my own even then. I looked at him squarely in the eye and told him that I wont join any course which I have not got through Merit. It was my choice and he respected it, though my mother demurred. But he silenced her with a look and I could see that he was quite pleased. Not because of the money, but because I had a strong value system, and I was prepared to go any length to uphold my values. I joined B Sc Physics, then went on to do MBA (getting one of the 7 merit seats in University of Calicut with a Scholarship of Rs 20,000 to boot. In fact, I actually paid for my MBA and handed over more than Rs 6,000 from my scholarship to my father on completion of the course, after my expenses) and later in my life M Phil. There were only two institutions offering MBA in 1984 in Kerala- DCMS-Calicut University and SMS Cochin University. SMS was the older and more reputed of the two institutions, and much sought after. I had already joined DCMS, as the SMS admissions were delayed due to a legal wrangle, when father travelled 140 Kms to my campus to show me the SMS admit card. I knew he wanted me to join SMS. I looked at it, and told him I am continuing in DCMS, for Reasons 1,2, 3...... He didnt mention about SMS again in his life.

It was not that he was a weakling. He was extremely tough, very hard working, a seasoned professional, a top Senior Engineer in Kerala State Electricity Board, a hard task master and dreaded by his subordinates. He was also highly opinionated. But he let us choose our destiny. In fact he did the same with my brother, who after his BSc Chemistry, joined MSc Chemistry in the prestigious Christ College in Irinjalakkuda, studied for a month, quit, joined NSS Engineering College, studied for one year, quit, joined SMS Cochin for MBA, studied for 6 months, quit and joined Indian Overseas Bank as a Probationary Officer at the age of 22. And never once father tried to change his mind, though he always regretted that my brother did not do a Post Graduation, despite getting his chances.

This was not the case only with me. Almost all my friends took decisions on their own. When I joined Pre Degree (+1 now), B Sc and MBA, my father nor anyone else ever accompanied me. I bought the application, went to fathers office to get the SSCL book and Marklist typed (no photocopies then) and had them attested by one of the Gazetted Officers. And I went alone for all the admission. In fact, we could hardly see any parents in the Admission Hall, except the parents of some girl students coming from the rural areas. Even they stood under the trees, far away from the Admission Hall. Contrast this with what is happening today!

I really feel, this was the foundation in which our characters were built. We were opinionated, spoke fearlessly, had a mind of our own, had strong beliefs, and stood by our beliefs.

Why am writing about this? I was watching a Regional Channel yesterday, where a leading poet-teacher, now retired, lamented that today's children have less strong value system, and are afraid to voice their opinions. And this is the reason for the general fall in the ethical behavioural standards in the society.

Recently, while searching for the Engineering College seat for someone close to me, one of the options was a leading college in South Karnataka, well reputed. Another close relative of mine had graduated a couple of years ago from that college. When he was asked for his opinion upfront, he did not give any negative opinion. Ultimately that college, as an option, was discarded. Later, this boy rang up and asked what happened. On being told that it is now out of the list, THEN he opened up and said the College has a lousy culture, and a haven for drug addicts, and he himself found it very difficult to survive 4 years!!! This boy is now employed in one of the leading private sector firms in India. I was furious when I was told of this. I said "What the bloody hell! Why didnt he tell this upfront?". If I were in his place, I would have told straightaway that this is the situation and I wouldnt recommed the college. I really had nothing but contempt for him, for having not given the right feedback, which he should have as a relative and well wisher.

I could understand him. He adopted the 'Why should I?' attitude, while we, then and now, always take the stand "Why Shoud'nt I?". And the difference between the two is tremendous.

Today, no one talks about Merit. This is what happens when our UGC and State Governments do not put emphasis on creating 'Gurus' or 'Quality Teachers', but rather allow the Institutions to recruit Teachers and Lecturers by accepting Lakhs as Bribe. Till such time we reverse this trend, pay excellent salaries to the teachers and professors, recruit talented people in a transparent manner without asking them to pay lakhs, our kids and society will continue to self destruct itself.

Ask Why Should'nt I? , instead of Why Should I?, every single time.