It is lonely up there in the Front

Year was 1986. I was in my 3rd Semester of MBA. We were only 11 in our Class, and we had another 15 as our Juniors Our Enterprising Head of the Department used to get top professionals and academicians for VFac lectures and programs. One such was a 3 day program on T-Group Training conducted by Dr. Veeraraghavan, then Dy Director of SITRA (South India Textile Research Association), Coimbatore. He was a Harvard Alumni. I had always considered to be a leader and took pride in it. On the first day, he conducted a simple exercise. He asked all of us to write in a piece of paper whom we would like to lead, other than us, an expedition. We were to rank our choices 1,2,3. We were told we should also write down how many we thought will choose us as 1,2,3. Then we were to assign 3 to every 1, 2 to 2 and 3 to 3 and arrive at our expectation total (maximum possible was 25*3 = 75) I looked around, assumed who will chose me 1,2,3 and who wont choose me at all, and arrived at a total of 47. Then we were made to sit in a chair in the middle of a circle with others in the perimeter and asked to tell our expected score following which others told their option regarding me. I was shocked that many who I thought will back me had not ranked me, and I ended up with a measly 18. The first was 38, second 29, third 24 and then me. I was given the option of knowing why I was or was not chosen.Some of the comments stung. I was called too arrogant, autocratic, lacking diplomacy, poor listening skills and even some didnt like me because I dressed well. I was left red faced as it was the first time I was getting such a blunt feedback. We were asked to assemble under a Mango Tree outside, & were requested to take one step for every mark scored. We were to only look ahead The leader was far ahead, the other two reasonably ahead, but there was a huge group of 15-16 who got 0-1 and grouped at the rear I looked at the three ahead. The leader was a poor decision maker but acceptable to all because he agreed with everyone. The number two was older than all of us by 6 years and a very quiet calm person. The number three was a crackpot, maverick and fun to be with. The big group at the rear were giggling, not concerned at all, making fun of those ahead, criticizing the Faculty, and in general having a good time at others expense. Dr. Veeraraghavan came to each of us and talked to us. He asked me how I felt. I expressed my unhappiness and he understood my ambition. He asked me evaluate the feedback. He empathized. We went back, and he explained about Expectation vs Reality. We continued with the 3 day session and had many Management Games. One of which was where we were all supposed to be in a Hot Air Balloon, and the Balloon was losing height. Only way out was for us to decide to either ask people to jump or throw them out. The leader jumped off during the first 5 minutes, 'sacrificing' himself for the group. He was asked to stand on top of a table (meaning he was up there dead!). This went on for 3 hours. I stood my ground, and was one of the 3 left when the game ended. We assembled again, and the same exercise of ranking 1,2,3 based on the game was asked to be given. Once bitten, twice shy, I marked 26. But was surprised to get 43 and the First position. The leader in the first exercise was pushed back to 3rd (Halo Effect!). The group of 14-16 still remained where they were. Some minor reshuffling apart. Still giggling, making fun of others and living in denial. Dr.Veeraraghavan came to me after talking to them. I was swelled with pride. He asked how I felt. It dawned on me suddenly, though I was happy, I was very lonely there up front. I told him this. He patted me on my back and told me never to forget that a 'Leader is always lonely' and it is a natural feeling.