Adhithi Devo Bhava!!

The other day, I wanted to meet a friend (!) of mine in Kuwait and didn't think twice before starting the car and reaching his place in 10 minutes. I have not been to his house for more than a year. It was around 10 a.m on a Friday morning. He opened the door himself and with a scowl on his face said, "Oh! you. But you didn't call me up and tell me you were coming". I was taken aback. This was the same guy who barged into my house two months ago at 10.30 in the night when he wanted my help. This was the guy who used to sit in my house from morning till night on weekends when he needed my skills on editing written materials or when he wanted to pick my brain.

Anyway, I am made of sterner stuff. Though hurt, I went inside. He started complaining about how busy he was at work and how little time he has for himself. I was able to get a word in after 10 minutes. Mind you, no coffee or tea was offered. Nor did any of his family come out to say 'hi' to me though we are family friends. As if on cue, in the 11th minute, his 12 year old daughter walked in and asked her father "Papa, We are supposed to go out in 5 minutes". Believe me, neither my friend nor his daughter had even taken a bath nor were they dressed to go out. I have had enough. It was clear that I was not welcome. I left the place as quickly as possible.

One of the trends I have noticed of late is peoples reluctance to invite someone to their house.

Why are we like this? What happened to the old world courtesy? I have told you before that I had my childhood in a rural area. The nearest bus stop was 10 minutes walk away. Since I started driving at the age of 14, it was my duty to drop whoever has come to our house in the bus stop either in a scooter or in a car. We used to have regular traffic from Bombay by way of relatives from my mothers side. The railway station was 30 kms away and the incoming Bombay train normally comes at 2 'o' clock in the night. The relatives would tell my father not to bother to send a young boy at 2 am but rather they will stay in the railway station till a decent hour. My father used to insist that I be present to bring them home at 2 am telling me that these people have travelled for 40 hours and the least we can do is to ensure that they are home early and dry.

Just a couple of years before his death, I was outside when I got a call from my father. He was ailing and a coronary patient by then. All he said was "Come over". No explanations. As is my wont, I reached home in 30 minutes. It was 8.30 in the night. He was dressed, holding a flask of coffee and a tiffin carrier. He rarely travelled during those days. Before I could ask him where the hell he was going, he asked me to turn the car around, got in and brusquely said 'Railway station, Trivandrum Mail'. On the way he explained that his friend was travelling from Cochin to Chennai and the train will stop for 5 minutes in Palghat Junction. I asked him,'but what will you talk to him in 5 minutes and why does he want coffee and food at 9.45 in the night?'. His reply,"it is not the coffee, but the fact that I made it a point to meet him that is important. Both of us are old, and we may not meet again". I was skeptical. But the beauty of it was that his friend was anticipating him, expecting him to come and was not at all surprised to see him with a flask of coffee that he drank with relish. Standing back, watching two old friends share coffee, albeit for 3 minutes, I learned a big lesson in life. What friendship really is and that personal gestures do count. My father was tired by the time he reached home. The meeting lasted the whole of 3 minutes, the journey one hour ten minutes. Within three months I got the news that my fathers friend had passed away. I had a lump on my throat. What if I had not taken my father that day?. The picture of two old men sharing a quiet moment is etched in my memory.

Have we lost the old world courtesy? Our house was always open to anyone at any point of time. There was always food for one extra person on any given day in our house. We never turned back anyone who came to us for help, whatever our inconveniences are. We, the children, had to come out and greet the guests always. We were encouraged to interact with the guests, allowed to sit through discussions and we in turn learned a lot from them. It constituted a critical component of growing up.

Why have we changed? Why are we more self centred? How can we expect others to help us when we don't take the trouble to lend a supporting hand? Have we really progressed? People always whine that "no one is helping me". My repsonse always is "when was the last time you helped someone?". The answer is always 'i dont remember'.

I try to follow the simple principle that has ruled Indian household from time immemorial "Adhithi Devo Bhava". My doors are always open at any time of the day or night. I always have a welcome smile and a cup of coffee for my guests. And my time is at their disposal. I always find time to send a personal reply to all my incoming mails.

I cannot change others, but at least I can practice some old world courtesy.