Friends, Indians, Countrymen, Idiots, lend me your ears

With Elections fast approaching, our politicians approached William Shakespere to write a great speech, a la Mark Antony in Julius Caeser. With time, Shakespere also has adapted. He copied his famous Friends, Romans, Countrymen speech, pasted and edited to suit our netas. Here it goes,


"Friends, Indians, Countrymen, Idiots, lend me your ears:
I come to beg for votes, not to make your life better.
The evil that politicians do lives in the form of statues after them;
The good is conspicuous by its absence;
So let it be with me. The noble voters of my constituency
Hath told you that I am a scoundrel:
If it were so, it was a golden truth,
And rightly hath you uttered it.
(Here, under leave of you and the rest of the voters –
For you are a worth less person;
So are they all, your fellow voters, all worth less men )–
Come I to speak in Election Rally.
I have not come here to my constituency once in the last 5 years
But you voters say I am a scoundrel;
And you voters are worth less men.
I have brought many Hectares of land for myself,
Whose money do you think my Swiss Bank Account is made of?
Does this make me a scoundrel?
When you poor starved, I hath feasted.
My skin is made of thicker stuff:
Yet you voters say I am a scoundrel;
And you voters are worth less men.
You all did see that during the last three ministry formation
I thrice fought for and got ministerial posts,
Which I exploited to make money: was this lack of selfishness?
Yet you voters say I am selfish;
And, sure, I am selfish, which politician is not.
I speak not to convince you as to why you should vote for me,
But here I am to threaten you what will happen if you don’t.
You all hated me once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then to vote for me?
O judgment! Thou art fled to voter idiots,
And politicians have lost their elections! Bear with me;
My heart is in Delhi there with Soniyaji, Laloo, Advani etc.
And I take leave till next election comes."