I am known to possess a violent temper. Though age has mellowed me a lot. My HP dealers from 1990's say I am unrecognisable from the Rajan they know two decades back. I really used to be wild. And I have regretted many of my actions.
When my anger was proving to be self destructive, I made a conscious effort to control it. And I can myself see the difference (I see a smile of incredulity on some of my students faces when they read this, but then you didnt know Rajan 90. You have only seen Rajan 08).
Still I dont feel anger is bad. What is not acceptable is uncontrolled anger. Controlled anger has its own advantages. It conveys the message that you are unhappy with the other person. Sometimes it is required to shake the other person out of complacency. There is task orientation and people orientation. The 9-9 in the grid of a guy who is both highly task oriented as well as people oriented is an utopian concept. To be effective one has to be task oriented, but not of course at the expense of the person. But when it comes to a crunch, task takes precedence. Being empathetic is nice. But that doesnt mean that, one has to be so understanding to accept and understand substandard performance. People need to be made to understood that there is a goal to be achieved. Controlled anger serves as a tool for preventing deviations from the norm.
I become impatient and lose my temper only for attitude related issues and when I see a blatant injustice being done. I have a high pitch voice and a sharp way with words. Many mistake my normal speech for anger.
In a way I inherited the temper from my father. Also, in our household it was the norm for all of us to talk bluntly. We called a spade a spade. And if someone is wrong, we told him on his face that he was wrong. This had a profound impact on my behavioural style.
I am not justifying my behaviour in any way. I cant wear a mask. I am what I am. There is good and bad in me. But I do make a honest effort to modify my negative traits always. I can assure one thing. My temper tantrums are aimed at the overall good. That gives me some solace.
